My whole career in high school was defined by this letter, the letter C.
Somewhere along the way, I heard that a C wasn't a bad thing, I heard that it was average - and THAT was something I could settle for. Blending in, average - it was all I ever really wanted to be, well, not really but that is what I told myself. I excelled in the areas I really loved like music & drama, but other than that I was content with a Capital C!
I heard in a meeting yesterday 'The 'goodness' of my life is DIRECTLY proportionate to the amount of work I do in recovery'. In other words I get what I give. Suddenly those high school years came back to me and how content I was at being average. My sobriety has hit that same stride. When I first came into the program , I hit it hard, I saw results quick and this propelled me further into a life that today is beyond my wildest dreams. I am grateful for that
I've settled now though into a life that is good no, not good GREAT . I can't help but hear my old teaches saying: "You have SO much potential" and think the same about my life - what if I did more work? Where would that take me? B+ or perhaps an A- . How is it I'm content with a great life and not an AMAZING life. Isn't there always room to grow?
I'm going to keep showing up and see what will be revealed.
There's no place like home.
Not only am I in LOVE with my new neighborhood, house, garden etc. I also feel like I am going to fit right in at my local AA meeting, how couldn't I?
I went on Friday night, full of fear as I am in most new situations. It was a great meeting filled with beginners and IRISH! My people! It felt really good to be back in a meeting and also feel like I can set some roots here in my new neighborhood.
I spent the weekend cleaning up and resting. I even put up a new clothesline which I think is a luxury. there's nothing quite like clothes dried by the sun & breezes!
Sunday was pretty low key, it was the Pride celebration here in NY which I usually participate in quite fully, but we just weren't feeling it, not the pride so much as the crowds. We chilled at home and watched 'Summer Stock' with Judy Garland and Gene Kelly...I'll admit, I'd never seen it. I enjoyed it. It's a fun movie. I keep watching movies that really highlight the life of an actor and how it's that thing inside you can't ignore. My hiatus from it during all this wedding planning has only ignited it more inside me. I'm looking forward to getting back into that part of my life.
Off to my home group tonight and very much looking forward to it.
Recovery is a process.
Hi! by the way. It's been way too long but I look forward to writing again but more so reading.
Life has gotten huge and the gift of desperation has kicked back in again so that I am now re-focusing on meetings and recovery. The last 3 months (has it really been that long) have been A LOT of work so much so that any time I did have off was saved for sleeping & catching up with the rest of my life. We moved to a beautiful new place with a garden and a sun room - unheard of in these parts, or rare should I say. It's truly been a blessing and not possible if I was still drunk, that I realize.
We've also under two months until our wedding! I can't believe how the time has flown. I'm so excited about it and our honeymoon to Paris!
My meeting attendance has been paltry at best, thankfully the work has slowed the only side effect being that stupid fear of economic insecurity (see wedding:)) , it comes & goes just like work. I'm hitting a meeting tonight and daring to do so in my new neighborhood. It will be good for me to plug in in that way. I just wanted to plug in, in this way too.
I'll keep you posted. I've missed you all