Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Stop! You are Surrounded

It's all around me.

I love how my awareness of things is always more acute after a meeting, and even more so when my spiritual path is slightly challenged as it is a chance for growth.

I sat in a meeting last night where we discussed the topic of justifiable anger.  My awareness of just how often I do this came rushing through my body and has stayed with me most of the day as well today and what an interesting day it's been.  Dealing with personalities here at work, having to go to the dentist which always pulls up my fear of financial insecurity, then being late back to work and dealing with that...a whole lot of justifiable & just plain anger. 

Something I heard last night that resonated with me is that when I hold onto anger & resentments, it only hurts me.  This fact is something I know on a mental level but certainly not something I practice on a spiritual, physical level. 

Today is an opportunity to do so. I am grateful for that and I know this too shall pass.  Thanks for letting me get it out!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

An Education in Grey

I've been on jury duty since last Wednesday.

Most people roll their eyes or groan when they receive that notice in the mail.  I'll admit I was one of them.  Through the tool of acceptance, I was able to put my feeling aside and really enjoy (most) of that process.  Our legal system to me is fascinating, at least from the perspective from which I viewed it this week. 

This alcoholic likes a black & white world.  I LIVE for definite.  Since getting sober it's one of my biggest struggles to see in shades of grey, but I do know they exist and I think I've made some progress in this area.

This case could not have been more grey. I suppose, most are or they wouldn't be on trial, it either happened or it didn't.  It was interesting to listen to other's arguments around the table where we were deliberating. I was even surprised to find that at some points I was a voice of grey reason. 

I am grateful that I see in shades of grey & that sobriety taught me how

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Obstacles

I went to a great meeting last night.  It was a meeting based on a topic from 'As Bill Sees It'.  The reading was:

As Bill Sees It page 131

Obstacles in Our Path

WE live in a world riddled with envy. To a greater or lessor degree, everybody is infected with it. From this defect we must surely get a warped yet definite satisfaction. Else why would we consume so much time wishing for what we have not, rather than working for it, or angrily looking for attributes we shall never have, instead of adjusting to the fact, and accepting it.

EACH of us would like to live at peace with himself and with his fellows. We would like to be assured that the grace of God can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves.

WE have seen that character defects based upon shortsighted or unworthy desires are the obstacles that block our path towards these objective. We now clearly see that we have been making unreasonable demands upon ourselves, upon others and upon God.

Twelve and Twelve
#1 page 67
#2 page 76
Copyright A. A. World Services Inc.
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I was particularly struck by the last passage "We have been making unreasonable demands upon ourselves, upon others and upon God".

I then looked back at the title:  Obstacles in our Path.

I started thinking about how often I AM the obstacle in my path and how my sometimes extreme self-centeredness keep me inside myself. 
I feel like sharing a success story.  That of my week in Vermont. I constantly challenged myself to try something different, to not hide, to let myself out.  I of course couldn't do this without help from God and without some serious meditation and prayer.  What I thought would be SO difficult usually turned out to be a slight adjustment in the way I view things or the way I act.  A small amount of willingness goes a long way.

I was able to fully be myself on stage and within a character.  It was a gift

Now being back in NY, I try to carry that with me here.  In my day to day and in meetings to get outside myself, to break through that bondage of self.  It's harder to do when I'm back in my patterns, but it is something I'm striving towards. I'm grateful I am willing

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I Have Returned!

Imagine being in a place with no cell service & limited Internet access.  Scary?  Well, only for a few days, then it was just plain heaven!

Dorset, Vermont could be one of the most beautiful places I've ever been.  I truly feel that my experience there has changed me. I connected with nature & my higher power in a whole other way than before and it was amazing.

I was also challenged physically, emotionally & mentally by the show we put up there.  It was unlike anything I've ever done before.  Demanding & exploratory and downright fun.  I have no regrets!  Every time I stepped out on stage I could hear one of my teacher's voices saying:  "Leave it all here" and so I did every time, I would finish a show drenched in sweat and knowing that I just did my best, the best I could do in that moment in time.  It was rewarding beyond belief.   The other gift was sharing a stage with 5 actors who also did the same, without question or hesitation.  They too gave of themselves, they let their lights shine so that we could all shine together.  It was a pleasure and a gift I will never forget.

What I learned about myself during this was, the more I do things I wouldn't normally do:  meditate, warm up, take time for me, focus, the more I'm able to live fully in the moment, to hear myself, to my HP, and to listen....then to give. Give of myself. Give everything I have....no half measures indeed!
I will never forget nor be able to fully articulate what I went through this past 10 days, all I know is that I am changed.  That it was all divinely guided and that I am blessed.