I heard once that addiction is a hiding place. I've been thinking about it a lot lately.
When I first read in the Big Book I remember being astonished at this passage: "Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions".(pg 64 - Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous)
I couldn't BELIEVE it for the longest time you see because in my mind liquor was the problem and if I could just learn how to treat that right, or do it right then I could succeed in this world as a normal human.
I've learned over time that I am an alcoholic, which means I'm never going to be 'normal' as it were. Which I now embrace, cause really who want to be normal?
Getting back on topic though, that being the subject of hiding. I can think way back to before I even picked up a drink and how I used other things to hide in.
Playing piano - I would do this for hours, I would get lost in it. It was so comfortable, so comforting. I'm reminded of it every time I hear the song 'Everything Else' from Next to Normal.
I relish getting lost, I still do at times - there are days when I'm amazed how easy it can be.
The beauty for me today is those moments don't last long, I don't get lost to escape anymore. I can deal with what's in front of me that is a gift. I no longer have to find places to hide myself out fear. I am a fully realized being in this world and the days I step into that and live it are SO worth it and can only be achieved having put down that drink & started this journey
A part of my Dad's spirit - is a part of mine.
9 months ago