My God, I put SO much power into that word. It's astounding.
I was part of a great meeting last night where this was the topic from a reading out of 'As Bill Sees It'. I'm paraphrasing but the passage said something about 'the gripping consuming self centered fear of losing something we have or not getting something we strongly desire'
I also heard this acronym of fear which I will carry with me because I think it's pretty awesome:
I've always been one of those people that likes to highlight the hilariousness that lies in my craziness, because well - why not make light of it, or rather shed light on it, that way it doesn't seem so scary. I find so often that anything I fear is always SO much bigger in my head leading up to the event than the actual event ends up being. I like that I have that awareness, I just need to remember it when my fear cycle hits the hyper drive pedal!
I share with you to ludicrous stories from my brain to yours:
This morning, I'm at work answering the phones. A call comes through from our corporate office contact who is usually nice & pleasant. This morning she is short & quip. She asks to speak with the manger, and only the manager. He was on another call and she asked to hold which resulted in me putting her on hold a few times. The entire time I'm thinking....'here it is, I'm finally getting the boot. They all know I'm a fraud and on and on and on.
TRUTH: I work here 3 days a week. I need to be sure I address my work and do what's in front of me. If I do MY job & take care of what is on MY plate, I can let go of everything else.
#2 - Last night after leaving the meeting, I get on the subway
I quickly find a seat and between me and the man next to me is room for someone else to sit, but there's an empty can of Red Bull occupying the seat. I think it's his, but he makes no move to move it. I take out my journal & start writing. We arrive at the next stop & people get on, look at the empty seat & move on. I start to feel judged, embarrassed & say things in my head like: OMG. they all think it's mine, I'm rude. if you reach down and put it on the floor, they're gonna think you're a litterer and on and on and on...(SELF CENTERED MUCH)
TRUTH: I care too much about other people's opinions of me. It's something I'm working on.
I share these because fear can be such a crippling part of life for me, and if I'm able to look at times when it's completely LUDICROUS, INSANE and downright LAUGHABLE. I can remember that there's something much bigger at work in my life than me and my brain and that is God. If I strive to live in faith than fear cannot exist. Sometimes I have to re-make that decision moment to moment and that is OK.
Hope if anything you're smiling. I'm grateful today for smiling. For laughing at myself. For taking life less seriously. For having fun. For progress. For a program that has taught me to feel again.
1 week ago