A Life Beyond My Wildest Dreams

I heard that phrase A LOT when I first came in and resented it greatly.

Also, being a graduate of the 'Delusions of Grandeur' school of thought have always envisioned my wildest dreams to be standing in the spotlight on a Broadway stage with millions of adoring fans & cameras flashing...

...today, I was overcome with emotion and the realization that in fact today my life is beyond my wildest dreams!

I woke this morning from a full restful nights sleep, warmed up in the shower, went to an audition which I was fully present for, showed up at work and am doing my job. After work I am going to a meeting, then to rehearsal for a reading of a show that I'll be performing this week. I'm living a life and it's mine.

Today I am in my life and it is a joy. This feeling is way better than anything I'd ever imagined on that barstool.

Thy Will

It's interesting as of late how the third step keeps coming up for me at meetings & in life.

I still remember that moment, kneeling on the floor with my sponsor and making the decision that my life is in God's hands. In hindsight it always has been - but admitting that and committing to that every day, well that's the challenge. I LOVE the beauty exists in my life the minute I let go. It continues to amaze me.

It amazes me too that everyday I have to re-make that decision & commitment.

In other news, I'm participating in a fund raiser for a movie that I'm gonna be in once enough money is raised. It's a cute script and I get to be a witch which is always fun!

Easy?

I qualified at a meeting last night, I needed it. More than that though I needed to hear the feedback and where people were/are.

Right now I feel like I'm in a flow if sobriety. I'm working it, I have service committments, I put forth the effort to stay connected - I know that without my focus on that all else will fall away. I know too that this shall pass and there'll be a time when it'll seem like it's harder work, that's just the way of things.

I guess as someone who's always 'just gotten by', it's enlightening to see how full & amazing my life can become if I put a little effort in it, imagine if I were to put a WHOLE lot of effort into it.

I love that with sobriety for me, has come the gift of being able to work for something and that instant gratification is no longer sufficent.

These are my thoughts on this Monday morning. I hope everyone had a safe & Happy 4th!

Relapse

A friend of mine always says that 'Relapse is a part of sobriety, but it doesn't have to be mine'

This was all too apparent this past week when I ran into one of my early one friends who was just released from a psych ward.

I wanted to shake him and scream: 'YOU'RE WORTH IT'. It was weird because the following night, I totally had a dream that I relapsed on pain killer & prescription meds, which was never my thing.

This is an excerpt from my journal: " It's weird because more and more I've come to believe that my life is saved through sobriety, then i start thinking - oh boy i'm drinking the 'kool-aid' but the truth really is, I've never known a life as full, prosperous, joyful & meaningful as I know it right now - and true I MAY be able to
survive or get by if I'm drinking but, TODAY I believe I was made for more than just survival. I guess the adventure of it is I get to figure it out or not even that so much as step on and go for the ride.

Just thought I'd share that revelation