Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Don't restrain me!

So I was having a discussion the other night with some friends & thought I pose some of the arguments here.

I forget really how it all came up, it started as a discussion of body hair. One of my dinner-mates said that he religously gets his back sugared (a form of waxing). One of our other dinner-mates accused him of conforming to what (gay) society deems acceptable. He argued that it wasn't the case and he preferred himself smooth.

I started thinking about my own ideas regarding hair etc. I'm Irish and German, whether this is the reason I'm a hairy mo fo or not I don't know.
What I do know is that there is WAY too much hair on my body to be shaving it all the time....yes I do trim it.

There was a time from about 17 - 27 that I felt the need to shave my upper body (luckily I only have a slight tuft on my lower back), but I religously shaved my front for years. I got tired of it, not only was it a lot of work but it wasn't cute. I'm light skinned with DARK brown hair, I'd look smooth for about a half a day so i let it go and couldn't be happier.

The reason I bring this all up is I've notcied lately amongst the gays that there is a whole movement back to facial hair of all types etc etc. We were talking about guys needs to be masculine etc.

My thoughts really are: I'm a man, I like men. so I'm muscly, hairy and natural. I am also gay, so I prance around & swish my hips from time to time. Why all this extreme? I mean can't I be who I am without FURTHER labels? The dinner party tried to convince me that I'm a cub or otter or badger (God - this sounds like boyscouts) or some other sort of deep woods animal which I am not really about. There's nothing wrong with that lifestyle -i don't choose it for myself.

I am Jeremy. What I like about me is the many different things that make me who I am whether those are stregnths or weaknesses change on any given day. Stop trying to put me in a box!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Check In

I guess it's been a while since I've reason why really I don't think - or is reading into a little crazy maybe.

Anyway - I'm in the middle of a three-day marathon of work, commitments and little sleep all culminating on Thursday when I'm off to Virginia for a fun weekend with family.

I was listening to August Gold give a talk on Step 4 and the rigorous honesty inherent to it and she mentioned something to the effect of 'always being on the move because if we don't stop, then we don't have to look (at ourselves)'

I've run my life like that especially since entering sobriety, at first it was a need to be busy so I didn't focus on the fact that I can't drink but now that I'm accustomed to that life style I really have to work on SLOWING down, smelling the roses and really working on myself so that I can give it away

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I know it's traditionally Irish (or at least in my Irish family) to be a bit morose. Though I don't subscribe to that belief, i read this blessing today and thought it was too beautiful not to share.

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there... I do not sleep.
I am the thousand winds that blow...
I am the diamond glints on snow...
I am the sunlight on ripened grain...
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you waken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of gentle birds in circling flight...
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry—
I am not there... I did not die...

Friday, March 13, 2009

Cherry Popped

So - Late yesterday my good friend Paul called to offer me a ticket to go see an opera at the MET with him & our friend Catherine.

My first reaction, was ugh, I'm already tired it'll probably just put me to sleep...but in an effort to expereince life a bit more and said YES!

Having NEVER been inside the Met since I moved here in 1999, the mere thought of that was exciting, and my excitement only grew as the day wore on.

When I finally met up with them I was completely giddy, simlar to the first time I saw a Broadway show.

There simply are NO words to describe the beauty, creativity and artistry I observed last night. I am so grateul to have had the chance to see 'Rusulka'. It was a fantastical story and all of the performers were TOP NOTCH. I could go on forever about the score, set, music, sounds and everything else. My life has been altered.

I'm so happy to have been present and aware and able to experience the sights & sounds of such a beautiful performance

Thursday, March 12, 2009

No particular reason

I guess I don't have a lot to say, but I felt I should update anyway.

It's been a weird adjustment only working three days a week. I find that I have very little idea of what to do with free time. I'm figuring it out the best I can right now.

It occurred to me the other day or maybe it was in a dream that first time I recall feeling unsafe.

When I was 5, my family was in the Frankfurt Airport in Germany. A bomb went off in the airport. I don't remember much, a loud noise, lots of smoke & sirens. My mother tells me even when I was almost 13 and I heard that European siren noise, I would freeze.

Thought it was interesting

Thursday, March 5, 2009


last night I was elected to speak on the beginners panel at one of my groups.

I'm honored, deeply humbled and VERY excited.

I'm also grateful that the last couple of nights I've been able to fall asleep being caressed by the moonlight shining right in my window. I find it comforting.

And too, for this discovery - a tastier, less expensive yogurt for breakfast!

I especially like the 6 grain version! Thanks Canada!!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Snow & Willingness

So as anyone knows, it snowed here in NYC yesterday - A LOT!

Lucky for me I had the day off already, though it turned out the store got closed too!

I spent most of yesterday lounging, napping and watching Netflix. You can imagine as the time grew closer to go to the meeting, the temperature dropped, the wind blew harder and I was COZY!

Something outside of me said get off the dang couch and go - so I did.

I got to the school to find out that they had opened it just for our meeting, but sans heat.

There I sat with probably 40-50 other recovering alcoholics, bundled in our coats with smiles on our faces because for that day, that hour - though cold we were safe. It was beautiful to watch and see just how willing people are to sit there practically freezing just to hear some message. It was perfect in that moment.

In other news, I've started reading 'The History of Love' by Nicole Kraus for a book club I belong to. I've been really touched by it - quite beautiful. I can't wait to discover more as I read